Are those butterflies in your stomach, or a warning from your gut? When it comes to romance scams, trust your instincts. If it feels too good to be true, it probably is. That “special someone” might be a con artist out to steal your savings, personal information, or worse.
Romance scams are on the rise as more people turn to online dating. Almost 70,000 people reported falling into a romance scam in 2022, according to the FTC. These fraudsters weave fake relationships, leaving individuals heartbroken and thousands of dollars poorer. Worse yet, they shatter trust, making it hard to open your heart again.
It’s important to know the lingo of a romance scammer, those common catchphrases they use to lure you into their honey traps. Learning how to spot the con can protect not only your bank account, but also your well-being and happiness.
Let’s explore some practical know-how to identify and avoid these scams.
Understanding the Psychology of Romance Scammer Tactics
Romance scammers are master manipulators who specialize in stealing trust and exploiting emotions. Preying on loneliness or a desire for companionship, they’ll shower targets with affection and declarations of love to create an intense emotional connection quickly, a tactic known as love bombing. Using stolen images and fake identities, these cybercriminals will craft perfect personas to lure you in.
Once they’ve established trust, these crooks will employ isolation tactics that discourage the target from confiding in others. They might share sob stories to evoke empathy before requesting payment, claiming emergencies or travel expenses. Their goal is to manipulate emotions, gain financial control or access to personal data, and leave individuals heartbroken and defrauded.
Common Romance Scam Lingo and Red Flags
Here are some common tactics of romance scammers, the phrases they use to perpetuate their schemes, and other red flags.
Love Bombing and Rapid Affection
As we mentioned, “love bombing” is when the fraudster showers you with flattery and affection early in the relationship to forge a fast connection.
Here are a few common “love bombing” romance scammer phrases:
- “You’re the only one for me.”
- “I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
- “We’re meant to be together.”
- “I’ve never met anyone as perfect as you.”
- “I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re always on my mind.”
The intensity of these statements is designed to create a powerful emotional connection quickly. By lowering your defenses, scammers gain your trust, making it easier to manipulate you into sharing funds or personal information later.
Creating a Sense of Urgency and Need
Romance scammers spin sob stories to create a sense of urgency and trick you into giving gifts or payment. But it’s all a carefully crafted deception designed to drain your wallet.
Be wary of this common scammer language:
- “I’m in a difficult situation and need your help.”
- “I’m stranded and need funds urgently.”
- “My family is in trouble.”
Isolation and Control
Criminals in online dating scams thrive on isolation and control to keep you emotionally dependent and less likely to seek outside advice. They’ll discourage you from communicating with friends and family, claiming others don’t understand or are trying to sabotage the relationship. This sense of exclusivity and deep emotional reliance makes it harder to recognize red flags and escape the manipulation.
Watch out for the following lingo:
- “Let’s keep our relationship private.”
- “It can be our secret.”
- “I don’t trust anyone else.”
- “Keep this between us.”
Vague or Inconsistent Stories
Stories that don’t add up are a big red flag. Be on the lookout for:
- Inconsistencies in their background or personal details.
- Reluctance to video chat or meet in person.
- Stories that are full of holes.
Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t make sense, question the person and pay close attention to their response. If their explanation feels like an excuse or seems inconsistent, it’s a strong sign you may be dealing with a romance scam. Always verify the person is exactly who they say they are.
Financial Requests
If someone you’ve never met in person asks for payment or financial gifts, consider it a major red flag. Fraudsters often start with small requests, gradually increasing the amount as you comply. Before you realize it, you could be scammed out of thousands of dollars.
Be wary of these financial red flags:
- Claims of needing help with travel expenses, medical emergencies, or business troubles.
- Pressure to send gift cards, online payments, or cryptocurrency.
- Promises to pay you back after a missing paycheck arrives.
Military or Overseas Worker Tropes
Romance scammers often pretend to be military personnel or overseas workers because these roles give them easy excuses to avoid in-person meetings and delay video calls. They may claim to be in remote areas with poor internet or on secret missions, making it difficult to confirm their identity. The long-distance setup also makes it easier for them to ask for funds, often for travel expenses to meet in person.
The following romance scammer phrases are a big red flag:
- “I’m a soldier stationed overseas.”
- “I’m working on an oil rig.”
- “I work internationally on a container ship.”
How to Recognize Romance Scammer Accounts
To appear more convincing, fake accounts in romance scams use stolen images of attractive individuals, often from modeling sites, a trick known as catfishing. Their accounts tend to have vague or generic information, with little personal detail or social media presence. They may have few friends or followers.
To test the authenticity of a picture, do a reverse image search:
- Go to Google images.
- Click on the camera icon in the search bar.
- Upload the image, then search to see if the image appears elsewhere online.
Always verify social media accounts before engaging. Check for a history of posts, tagged images, and genuine engagement to confirm if someone is real or part of a scam.
Real World Example of Romance Scammer Tactics
Kate Kleinert, a senior citizen and widow living in Philadelphia, accepted a Facebook friend request from a man named “Tony”. The man introduced himself, which began a series of messages and sparked a new relationship. Tony and Kleinert quickly opened up to each other, talking multiple times a day. She even regularly emailed who she believed to be Tony’s children.
They continued messaging each other for months. In retrospect, there were red flags that Kleinert ignored. For one, they never had face-to-face interactions. Tony claimed to be a surgeon working in Iraq and that it was unsafe to show his face. His account also had no friends on Facebook.
After constant contact for 3 to 4 months, Tony made his first request for funds. Tony’s daughter frantically emailed Kleinert about experiencing her first menstrual period, and her father asked Kleinert to send his daughter a $100 gift card to make her feel better. These sophisticated setups for payment requests continued for several months.
Tony promised to repay Kleinert and even provided his login information along with what appeared to be a link to a Bank of America account. She accessed it and saw a balance of $2 million in Tony’s name. Of course, this was a convincing fake website, made to look legitimate. Kleinert ended up losing $39,000, which was the rest of her life savings, to the romance scam. Now, she works with the AARP Fraud Network to help other individuals recover from similar scams.
How to Protect Yourself from Romance Scams
Stay ahead of scams by being proactive:
- Know the lingo and signs of a romance scam.
- Never send payments to someone you’ve only met online.
- Be cautious about sharing personal information with someone you don’t know.
- Only use reputable dating platforms that have verification processes and fraud detection measures in place.
- Talk to trusted friends or family members about your online relationships. They can help you spot red flags and avoid getting scammed.
- Don’t be afraid to slow the relationship down. It gives you time to think, get your bearings, and be aware of potential fraud.
- Insist on a video chat or in-person meetup. Scammers won’t want to show their face.
- Always verify the identity of the person you’re talking to. Check out their social media accounts and see if things add up.
What to Do if You’ve Been Scammed
If you have been affected by a romance scam, take these steps:
- Stop all communication with the scammer.
- Gather evidence: Take screenshots of all interactions with the fraudster, payment details, and other records.
- Report the fraud to the dating platform or social media site.
- Report the scam to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), the FBI’s hub for reporting cybercrimes.
- Consider working with a third-party cybersecurity company like Digital Forensics Corp.
Recovering with Digital Forensics Corp.
Stay alert to the red flags and common romance scammer phrases. Be cautious of love bombing and excessive flattery designed to win your trust quickly. Pay attention to inconsistencies in their story and repeated excuses to avoid video calls or in-person meetings. Most importantly, trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.
Stay safe and cautious online. Cybercriminals know how to prey on emotions, making it easy to fall for a scam without realizing it until it’s too late. But Digital Forensics Corp. can help. We specialize in tracking down fraudsters and gathering the evidence needed to combat them. If you need help, contact our helpline.
